Jmoney Rambles

While driving through Mississauga on Saturday, it occurred to me I had a rare opportunity.  I had a chance to try out a burger joint that I’d been hearing rave reviews about for the last 2 months.  I had to listen to Jelani and Anant go into detail about Five Guys Burgers and Fries and it drove me batshit crazy.  I HAD TO HAVE IT!  Considering that I was in Mississauga and behind the wheel of a car for once (I miss driving sometimes) there was no way I couldn’t hit it up.  I texted EGC Sauga (Anant, Jelani, Chris, Jason) but no one was able to make it.  I honestly didn’t give a fuck, it just meant less people see me eating.

The burger joint had a very OG vibe to it.  It actually reminded me of In N Out a lot.  The menu was simple, offering a relatively limited selection of items.  I was really happy with the sheer amount of topping options though.  I don’t know why everyone doesn’t offer jalapeno peppers as an option.  I ALWAYS get them if afforded the chance.  I hadn’t eaten all day so I went big up with my order.  NUMBER 39!

Grilled Cheese is honestly one of my favourite foods in the world.  Sadly, despite its simplicity, I almost never eat it.  In fact I hadn’t eaten a Grilled Cheese Sandwich in over 5 years.  I need to take a year or two off my life and start eating them on the regular.  Anyway, I considered this an appetizer if anything.  I knew I had no business eating this when the combo (so to speak, more on that later) was going to destroy me.  They were really generous with the cheese as it was warm and gooey.  Pretty sure anyone that eats Grilled Cheese will tell you that the bread is almost as important as the cheese.  This bread was CHAUNCED!  HARD!  I like super crispy outside gooey inside.  This was just… soft?  It  killed the entire experience for me.  I don’t think it was prepared poorly.  It’s just the way they make their Grilled Cheese Sandwich.  It’s now referred to as Chaunced Cheese.

While waiting for my order to come up, I witnessed a woman go BALLISTIC on the guy that handed her bag of food to her.  ”DID YOU JUST DUMP MY FRIES IN THE BAG?!”  She went off for a good 30 seconds.  The guy was so confused and basically walked away shaking his head.  Now personally, I just figured the kid got sloppy and dropped the ball.  Whatever, so fries fell in the bag.  THE WORLD IS ENDING NOW!  So my order came up and I pulled out the Chaunced Cheese, burger and regular fries.  The container was full, I figured he didn’t miss with my fries.  Well see the picture?  That’s the OVERFLOW from my fries.  Now I can’t tell for certain if this is standard because I didn’t ask but if I’m right they basically dump a shit ton of fries in the bag, it fills the container and the rest is just awesome BAG FRIES.  YES!  I was so happy with this situation.  Sadly, I was not a man and could not eat the bag fries though.

Go big or go home.  I got the Big Bacon Cheeseburger with double jalapenos and mayo.  IT WAS GAWWWWWWDLIKE! (hi Jayme)  The burger basically melted in my mouth but at no point felt undercooked.  They must have thrown 2 or 3 slices of cheese in there.  It was hot and melting everywhere.  Good pieces of bacon to boot.  I was honestly on cloud 9 eating it and in a ditch with the ITIS after it was over.  Like I said earlier, I couldn’t even fathom eating the Bag Fries after taking that monstrosity down.  Next time around I’m just getting the burger and a water.

I noticed this sign on my way out the door and couldn’t help but shake my head in disappointment.  I can not believe that this bad ass burger joint wasn’t open for the after last call drinking disaster story 19 – 30 crowd.  This place would EXPLODE in money between 1am – 3am.  Even if they only opened this late on Friday/Saturday night it’d be well worth the while.  If I lived within a 10 minute cab drive you better bet the fucking house that I’m telling that driver to head over there and get my burger on.

Now that the praise is out of the way, let’s get down to one downside.

This place is EXPENSIVE AS FUCK!

Grilled Cheese = $2.99

Burger = $8.95

Regular Fries = $3.49

Drink = 1.99

After taxes my lunch cost me a few cents short of $20.  I mentioned combos earlier.  Yeah… there are no combos.  I was disappointed in the lack of value in that regard but whatever.  So now it really comes down to perspective and how much quality really matters.  As far as I was concerned, I got my money’s worth.  That burger is leaving me in a relapsed food coma just writing about it and they gave me enough fries to cover my carbs for a week.  The Chaunced Cheese was nowhere near worth $3 but whatever, you live and learn sometimes.

This isn’t a place I could hit up regularly as I’d either die from heart complications or if I lived through that I’d go broke.  However, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND hitting up Five Guys Burgers and Fries at least once, if not every few months if you’re in the area.  That was probably the best burger I’ve eaten in the last few years (maybe ever?  I’d have to give it real thought).  If you like your burgers you owe it to yourself to hit it up.